Blog burnout? Yes, perhaps. But what the hell else am I going to do while sitting by myself in the middle of the night? I suppose I could clean, but I’m pretty much over that.
Relocating to a totally new area affords you one gigantic luxury: the ability to reinvent yourself. No one knows you! No one remembers when you had blue hair, or when you used to wear white tape on your fingertips because you loved Michael Jackson so much. It’s pretty liberating to leave those things in the past.
I’ve decided a reinvention is what I need to do. It’s exciting to think of improving yourself and starting fresh in a place where everyone just assumes you’ve always been this way. I’m not going to reinvent myself as a health nut, or a green goddess, or a domestic genius….I’m going to reinvent myself as someone I’ve always wanted to be: happy with myself. I am always trying to lose weight, trying to be a better housekeeper, trying to be perfect in every way I can think, and I’m now decided I’m done with that. I’m going to focus on liking who I am NOW, instead of always drawing up plans to become someone else. I’ll buy clothes that fit and look good on me now, instead of buying “motivational jeans” that just end up languishing in my closet and being a constant reminder that I’ve failed in that arena. I’ll be fine with the fact that I take my own grocery bags to the store, yet still clean my house with Clorox. If I eat an apple, great. If I eat Doritos, no biggie. I will be more active, but I’m not going to boil down my activities into “calories burned” anymore. I’m done dissecting myself, my life, my habits, and my failures. I’m just done.
I’m a mother. I’m a wife. I’m 28, not 18. I’m 5’8 and 180 lbs. I have cellulite and stretch marks, and I’m pretty sure I saw some crow’s feet the last time I really looked at myself in the mirror. Somehow, I have a feeling if I just embrace who I am, be happy, and celebrate it, the roadblocks that are always in front of me will fall away. Maybe my inside reinvention will transition to an outside reinvention, but I’m no longer on a constant quest. I’m letting go of an ideal that takes me away from enjoying life as it happens.
Hello world! I’m me! And I’m totally good with that.