Frozen.

I’m frozen. I’ve had a pretty good, productive day, and I will give myself credit for that, but I have lost the last 2-and-something hours of my life writing and rewriting the same notes for the same class in three different places. They started on my iPad, which worked well, and had worked for my previous class, also. Except, my previous class gave me a study guide – a framework – that I copy and pasted into OneNote and then filled out along the way. Beautiful. 

The class I’m starting now doesn’t have such a study guide. It has a pacing guide, and awesome, easy-to-follow videos, but I have no study guide. I have no questions to answer within a prepared framework. My options are limitless, and therefore my brain has shut down. I tried sticking with my iPad, but this class requires more handwritten style notes because of accounting tables and T-accounts. I started with using a stylus to write them in OneNote, but my hand hurts because of the awkward way you have to hold the thing and I don’t like my digital handwriting. I got sidetracked for awhile looking at $100 stylus pens on Amazon, and it’s a good thing I was able to reign that in before it was too late (which isn’t always the case).  In a fit of frustration, I deleted an hour’s worth of notes in 2 seconds. I had to start over. 

I tried to start over in the iPad again, this time by mostly typing my notes, but it became difficult to combine typing for words and drawing for tables…..and I couldn’t decide if I wanted assets in yellow and liablities in red, or assets in green and liablities in blue so it wouldn’t be quite so harsh. I never made it passed the first page. I started over in the same place, but this time I began watching videos I had already watched again to see if I could maybe copy the professor’s notes exactly as he wrote and drew them – down to the exact colors he used. Deleted.

I decided to try a normal, old school paper notebook. It took me 15 minutes to decide between pen, colored sharpies, or pencil. 

Pencil.

It took me another 15 minutes to decide which notebook to use. 

Ok, got it.

Ultimately, it didn’t matter, because after getting a half a page into round 3 – 4? – of the same notes on the same videos, I furiously erased it all, because I hate writing in pencil. I hate the way it sounds, the way it looks, the way nothing on the page seems to jump out at me when it’s done….I hate it all. It was another wasted attempt. And now my brand new notebook has a crease in the spine and smudged, mostly-erased pencil on the first, once pristine page. 

Which means I’ll never use it again. 

Advertisements
Posted in My ADHD Journey | Leave a comment